Valentine’s predicament

“What’s special about today?”, he casually put across.

“When’s the  Kamal Hasan movie releasing?”, she concernedly asked.

“Phat came the reply-April 2nd!”

Little did he know that he had just inaugurated a freshly dug grave for him.

“When did ginger(his cat) come home?”, she continued

“May 18th. See we could do this chronological rhetoric all day long.”

“Is he so naive about today’s sanctity? Where does the child like awareness of men evaporate when no one’s home!”, she wondered loudly in her mind

“Ok leave it. Got to go”

By now she was hyperventilating already. She could easily deposit a few of her flower vases on his face if he were around.

“Babe, unless your birthday is coming for the second time this year, I don’t see a hallow around today.”, he sarcastically fumbled.

“Valentine’s Day duffer.It is omnipresent across social media upto an extent that porn sites have Valentine’s promotional offer.”

“Since when did you start watching porn?”, he defensively cracked up a bad joke in damage control mode.

“The only place you think from is between your legs. Is that the only thing you’ve grasped from whatever I said Pervert?”

“Atleast I think from some where,unlike some who function like festivity reminder app!”, he mumbled

“Did I just hear something?”

“Yes. Happy Valentine’s Day doll”

“Had to excavate it out of you “, she quipped in her head

“Yup,like a long lost relic!”

“Fuck! How did you do that?”

“That sweetheart is called an educated guess.My cat doesn’t ask me for food,but I just know when it’s hungry.”

“Are you likening me to your cat?”

“No.The only thing you both share in common is the gender.” He sheepishly managed. “Unlike you, my cat understands mating calls without prompting and is more sensitive to the opposite sex.”,he thought to himself.

“Even my parents wished me today.”

“That’s one weird family you’ve got.”

“Only time his romance seems to be on auto pilot is when he’s got a boner.”, she observed to herself.

“What can I do to make up for my screw up?”

“I’ll let you know in a while.For the time being,just dress up and send a selfie. Btw,have a bath.”, she laughed.

“Phew!That was barely romantic. Men and women used to be more romantic than that when they were clad in leaves and incest was prevalent. What has WhatsApp and Archies done to them. If she was going for his wallet, he was going for her pants on  a day widely pimped as epitomizing romance.No wonder my master health check-up results aren’t flattering off-late!”,  lamented the cupid overlooking them.

***********

A few days later he was having a banter about the predictability of romance with me after blogging about a hypothetical conversation between him and his girlfriend, when he got a call.

His pink cheeks turned pale white, ridicule making way for grimace.His explanations starting and stopping at a monosyllabic level,not growing beyond the stutters.The call got cut after a few minutes.

“All okay?“, I asked

“No,she read the blog.Much worse, I forgot my date“,he quivered.

“Hahaha.Men these days.“,I said to myself, when my phone rang with her name.