In the name of movies-PART I

PROLOGUE:

As the movie starts playing in the Cinema Hall, we transcend into the Reel world to peep into the life of the Protagonist leaving behind our conscious self with the popcorn tub. Movies are the escapist solace people seek from the real world. But the duration of the sub-conscious mind’s stay in the fabricated world is dependent on how much we connect emotionally with the director’s figment of imagination. If the movie works, the mind’s relaxed & we crave for a little more of the experience(Quantum of solace>ticket rate)…but when the movie doesn’t, the mind immediately goes on a guilt trip questioning the propriety of the decision to watch the movie  when naphthalene balls were there for consumption to achieve the same purpose & why the director’s dad should have been impotent , but then it fantasizes butter popcorn melting in the tongue ably lubricated by Coke to make up for the void.(Quantum of Solace=Butter Popcorn +Coke or Quantum of Solace<Ticket Rate).

Movies have inspired lives in many ways -got some  married while getting some divorced, created awareness about social issues, invented new techniques for high end burglaries, vanquished nuclearity in some families and has split some joint families, made alcoholic beverages a mandatory helpline for heartbreaks among other things.

Then there are some actors who give their lives for movies and some for who people would give their lives. This post is dedicated to the funny side of the tinsel town with its share of clichés & myths.

INTRODUCTION SEQUENCE:

These are the generally practiced methods for the pre-intro scene build-up-

  • A family is shown being slaughtered with a solitary member escaping with a kid(we know who)
  • A group of girls are chased in a busy highway by goons(stunt masters)
  • Domestic animals are shown causing mayhem in neighbourhood for which Menaka Gandhi was duly notified.
  • Comedian is enquired by a bevy of girls about the hero’s whereabouts
  • Sidekicks out of the blue  start belting out previous movie names of the hero looking at the audience Junior artists dressed up as farmers are exploited by a megalomaniac landlord draws a line challenging labourers to cross it to save a fellow old labourer.
  •  Wrestling Tournament where an aggressive Pakistani/North-Indian Wrestler  beats the hell out of junior stunt masters & challenges the masculinity of Indians or most commonly hordes of (stunt masters) rowdies  run into a very familiar abandoned  workshop/factory godown set chasing the hero .

Once the build-up is over, we are shown a pair of legs walking towards us or a fist is shown along with a hefty goon flying away and the focus gradually moves upwards to the hero’s face who winks, acknowledging the anonymous body parts to be his.Would you believe it we Indians shoot the introductory sequence at the budget of “paranormal activity”!

OPENING SONG:

This is the culmination point of the intro scene, where the hero blows his own trumpet gyrating alongside a desperate choreographer & a group of junior dancers. Extra effort is taken to show montages of the hero helping septuagenarians cross roads, helping school kids do their home-work or saving the stereo-type pregnant woman from her drunkard hubby or snubbing super-models during the song’s running time.

Then enough importance is given to include heavy-duty messages in the lyrics that are characterized by eternity of friendship, work is worship aspect, importance of labourers, how to impress girls, why girls are dangerous to a guy’s future, board-exam FAQs, CBSE syllabus, ayurvedic beauty tips, how to bake flower like idlis, SBI interest rates ,ruling party manifesto, details of off-season sale at life-style etc among other things.

 

To be continued…

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